His performances have helped breathe new life into romcoms, and fans swoon over his soulful brown eyes. So why cant he put on a jumper properly?
Name: Noah Centineo.
Appearance: The internets new boyfriend.
Hang on, I thought Tom Hiddleston was the internets boyfriend. No, the internet ghosted him when he started acting all weird around Taylor Swift, remember?
Right, but what about Jeff Goldblum? Jeff Goldblum was never the internets boyfriend. He was the internets weird crush on the internets dads cool friend. It was a phase. Weve all been there.
Oh, OK. So whos Noah Centineo? Hes a beautiful young actor who is suddenly everywhere. Hes in the Netflix romcom To All the Boys Ive Loved Before and the Netflix teen comedy Sierra Burgess Is a Loser. He stars in the Freeform series The Fosters. He also played Camila Cabellos love interest in last years Havana music video and stars in T@gged.
Sorry, what? T@gged. You know, T@gged. Its on Hulu.
Are any of these words actually things? God, youre so old.
Wait, wasnt Timothee Chalamet supposed to be the internets boyfriend? Listen, the internet is fickle. Besides, Chalamet is destined to outgrow us. Hes in Guadagnino movies. Hes in Gerwig movies. Hes in Van Groeningen movies. Soon hell leave us all for the world of acclaimed independent cinema.
I dont see Centineos appeal. Oh, nonsense. Just look at him. Hes like a puppy dog, if puppy dogs had excellent teeth and soulful brown eyes you could absolutely drown in. Hes also got a great sense of humour.
Based on what? Based on a photo I just found of him rubbing his eyes and smiling. Hes hilarious! Hes totes ur fave.
I like that his surname sounds like an off-brand 1990s personal computer. Hey, stop trying to diminish his accomplishments. It takes real talent to breathe life into genre pictures, and To All the Boys Ive Loved Before is arguably one of the best, most inventive, most progressive romcoms of the past decade. A lot of that is down to Centineos performance.
Look, hes young, rich and handsome. Arent I allowed to hate him a little bit? Oh, of course. He doesnt know how to wear clothes properly. Thats something.
Pardon? Last week, French Netflix pointed out that, in a number of recent photoshoots, Centineo neglected to put his arms through the sleeves of his tops. He got his head in, then just let them sort of dangle there like scarves. Its weird.
The boys an idiot. Well, yes, but hes the internets idiot.
Do say: Noah Centineo is the new Timothee Chalamet.
Dont say: Look out for the new Noah Centineo, coming some time next week.